$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
