OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
