I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
