we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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