is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
