new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
