and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize