Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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