She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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