Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
