i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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