Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
