did you get engaged???
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
