She went from zero to smokin in five shots
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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