yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
