So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
