if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
