I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
