K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
