I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
