i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
