...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
