omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do vagina's smell?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
