i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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