no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
