I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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