When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
