my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
