yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
