On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
