U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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