I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Randomize
