white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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