Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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