i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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