How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
