umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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