It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
