the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
