I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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