He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
