Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
