Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I could make wine with my vomit
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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