Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
