So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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