I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
