atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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