Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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