Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
