Three words: puerto rican gang bang
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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