I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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