just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
