im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
