we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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