Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
