Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
