It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
