Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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