i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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