Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
