Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
