Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
