We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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