Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
