I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
